well, found out my father's full name today - Lone Star Stangs

tire · 05-19-2004, 03:56 PM

my mom didn't hide it from me, but i found out his full name today (he went by his middle name).

i used to not give a rat's ass, but i woudl like to at least see some pictures of him. my mom doesn't have any... i dont' think she'll ever tell me what exactly happened with them. i don't want all the gory details, but if it was a real marriage, i'd like to know what generally happened (i know it's not abuse) and if it wasn't marriage, which she has always said, and it was a one night stand or just bf then to at least tell me. :-/

i found his whole name from this geneaology (sp?) program they have on their (this) computer. she didn't even type in where he was born... just the year... 1954.

i was born austin jones... from randy layne jones... at a young age i was adopted and am now austin bonds.

basically, i don't neccessarily want to mee tthe guy, but i would like to see a picture of him. what to do? anyone else ever in the position?

GT4HeR · 05-19-2004, 04:12 PM

Never been in that situation but I think if I were, I would want to meet my biological parent. You never know what the situation was back then. There are always two sides to every story and I am sure he had his reasons. Do whatever you feel is right. Good luck

mrshoss97V6 · 05-19-2004, 04:28 PM

I am lucky, I placed my first born daughter for adoption she was adopted by my sister. So I am lucky because I can see her and explain my side of things when the time is right. Being a "Birth Parent" to a child I have never known or has never known me I would want to find out what I could as well as telling my side. There are 2 sides to every story. Let him have the chance to tell you his side. Good Luck with you desision...

CHips · 05-19-2004, 04:52 PM

welcome to the Jones family!

and good luck on finding a picture, or your father if thats what you're looking for.

redrum · 05-19-2004, 05:51 PM

ok, lemme say my deal on this, and please read. i got this view from a ficticious story i learned about, it was an in depth story with lots of emotional things, and this was one of the things. in the story, both the guy's parents had died when he was young. his little brother said he had found a recording of them, so the older brother wanted to find the recording to see what they looked like. he was about 23 or so. his little brother died of unnatural causes, and that left the guy all alone. he really wanted to see the recording. but after not being able to find it where his little brother said it was (before he had died), he got to thinkin...

'i got this image of my parents in my head. strong, ya? when im in trouble i imagine them and what they would have done, and kinda talk to them in my head you know? but im afraid that seeing them would shatter that image i have of them, and it wouldnt be the same anymore.'

i agree. you've gone this long without knowing. you for sure must have some sort of image of what your father is like. whether this image is a good one or a bad one, seeing him in real life would probably freak you out and be something you totally didnt expect. and if hes like some junky poor hill billy, or criminal or something, it would be extremely depressing i would think.

on the other hand, i do understand why you would want to see him, just outta curiousity. but my vote definitely goes towards leaving it alone. even if you did see him, and perhaps meet him... it wouldnt be like seeing your dad after a long time, itd be meeting a complete stranger. too weird for me i guess.

Hammered · 05-19-2004, 06:40 PM

well you have the power of the intra web in your hands....there are people on here that will find him for a small fee...as well tax records. drivers license, etc. what you can do is ...for just a pic.....back in those days people did not travel far fom home....check the highschool for HS year albums for where his last know location is...

just some ideas...and red rum is right ...it may not be what you wanna see....

tire · 05-19-2004, 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrshoss88lx

There are 2 sides to every story. Let him have the chance to tell you his side. Good Luck with you desision...

oh, i completely agree. i wasn't planning on judging him beforehand, but when i was 10-12 or so, i do remember her saying something about him not being loyal and doing drugs. both things could be different from how it sounds outright, and i wouldn't judge him for it unless i heard his side. i 99% wont' ever meet him though.

redrum, i appreciate your post and mostly agree. unless my mom was a snappy b****, and told him to never come near her ever again, he has had the opportunity to find me as well. or, heaven forbid, visit me as a baby/child/man.

hammered, i have used US Search or something that sounds similar before to track down an old girlfriend. it cost 30 bucks i think for a phone number/address. very handy, i'm sure i could be on the phone with him in 30 min or less if i reallywanted to.

or i could just phone oprah and i could be one of those sappy reuniting episodes.

ScottH · 05-19-2004, 11:28 PM

Well, I'd say do it.

My mom just found her biological family, but it was a few years too late, as both her biological parents are dead. She found out she has two 100% biological sisters (!?), but both were too young to remember my mom being born.

The resemblance is uncanny, there's no doubt it's them, but everyone is kinda scratching their head as to why...? Nobody, I mean nobody in her family knows why. Some of the relatives remember her mother going "away to visit uncle Joe in Cuba" for a few months around that time, but that's about it...

I dunno, sounds like a different circumstance, and your mom might be trying to put it behind her for a reason (Maybe pride more than anything) so it's a tough call. My mom says she has no regrets, but I'll bet deep down inside she wishes she could have had that big question answered...

MrsLarry03GT · 05-20-2004, 01:06 PM

I know the feeling. My situation was acctually pretty much like yours growing up. My mom never hide the fact that I had a different father from the man she was married to. As I grew older I wanted more and more to know about him. Unlike you though my mom wanted to tell me everything about him (maybe because I'm a girl) , most of it was bad but some of it was good. I came to realize according to other people that were around at that time that there were definately two sides to this story. Somehow all I wanted was just to know who my real father was, what ever happened between them was not as important to me. Anyway I had promised myself that when I was old enough I would look for him. Unfortunately when I was 13 my family moved to another country and I tought I had lost all hope of ever finding him now. As I got older I remember telling my grandmother that I wish I could find him. By then I was 20 and pregnant with my first child. I don't know if it was by luck or if my grandmother paid someone to look for him but she found him. I was in shock, specially when I found out he lived in the states. He called me on the phone and we spoke about 7 different times, then he finally flew over to Florida to see me. We shared dinner and got to talk for a few hours at home. It diffenately strange but I was glad because now I felt like there were no more pieces of my life missing.
Every situation is a little different whatever you decide make sure it's what you want and feels right for you not what other people are telling you to do. Good Luck

redrum · 05-20-2004, 01:17 PM

well you definitely had a good experience there mrs larry

however, not everyone in this world is as willing as that. im not trying to put down anyone or anything like that, im just sayin... what if you were to find your father, and he is just a complete asshole, or what if he went crazy, or if he became a raging alcoholic and druggie. id imagine that would be a pretty bad experience. of course, thats an extreme, but you get the point. its definitely a tough decision and you must be strong enough to know that if it does turn out to be a bad experience, then you have the heart to move on. you know?

MrsLarry03GT · 05-20-2004, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redrum

well you definitely had a good experience there mrs larry

however, not everyone in this world is as willing as that. im not trying to put down anyone or anything like that, im just sayin... what if you were to find your father, and he is just a complete asshole, or what if he went crazy, or if he became a raging alcoholic and druggie. id imagine that would be a pretty bad experience. of course, thats an extreme, but you get the point. its definitely a tough decision and you must be strong enough to know that if it does turn out to be a bad experience, then you have the heart to move on. you know?

That's true, he could have turned up to be a horrible person. I guess you really have to considered all the different things that could happened. It is not easy. You got to be ready to accept or deal with it when the time feels right for you to do so. It's really all up to you to let him in your life or not.

MustangShauna · 05-20-2004, 01:49 PM

I think this is a decision that you will have to make on your own after much soul searching. It is good to get other's people's perspective to help you with the decision. As for myself my parents divorced when I was 6 months old. I saw my biological father maybe a few times after that when I was young. When I was almost 18 he contacted me and wanted to make amends so to speak. Many times throughout my life I had wondered about him even though I heard some bad things and people would keep me away from him when I was young. I am personally glad that I got to meet him and see the person he is. He is not a person that I want in my life but atleast as an adult I was able to make that decision. And I do not have that curiousity anymore. I do have to say it is best try to prepare yourself emotionally.

ScottH · 05-20-2004, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redrum

what if you were to find your father, and he is just a complete asshole, or what if he went crazy, or if he became a raging alcoholic and druggie.

True, but what if he were a multi-millionaire with no known heirs, on his death-bed, about to donate it all to the church of the sacred moose cause he didn't know whatever happened to his child...

Ok, extreme, but so is the chance of him being a dreg of society. Chances are he's just a guy, making his way through the world like everyone else.

grey_area · 05-20-2004, 04:05 PM

[quote=redrum] or what if he went crazy, or if he became a raging alcoholic and druggie. id imagine that would be a pretty bad experience.

i would think you would want to know any hereditary problems so you could take steps to prevent them your self. also just to see what you might look like when you are older or if you have any brothers or sisters.

tire · 05-20-2004, 05:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by grey_area

i would think you would want to know any hereditary problems so you could take steps to prevent them your self. also just to see what you might look like when you are older or if you have any brothers or sisters.

oh shit, i could have siblings. as you can see, i have thought this out thoroughly. :omg:

05-19-2004, 03:56 PM	#1
tire ka-chow! Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Japan Posts: 5,749	well, found out my father's full name today my mom didn't hide it from me, but i found out his full name today (he went by his middle name). i used to not give a rat's ass, but i woudl like to at least see some pictures of him. my mom doesn't have any... i dont' think she'll ever tell me what exactly happened with them. i don't want all the gory details, but if it was a real marriage, i'd like to know what generally happened (i know it's not abuse) and if it wasn't marriage, which she has always said, and it was a one night stand or just bf then to at least tell me. :-/ i found his whole name from this geneaology (sp?) program they have on their (this) computer. she didn't even type in where he was born... just the year... 1954. i was born austin jones... from randy layne jones... at a young age i was adopted and am now austin bonds. basically, i don't neccessarily want to mee tthe guy, but i would like to see a picture of him. what to do? anyone else ever in the position?

05-19-2004, 04:28 PM	#3
mrshoss97V6 I am back...... Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Elmendorf Texas Posts: 3,495	I am lucky, I placed my first born daughter for adoption she was adopted by my sister. So I am lucky because I can see her and explain my side of things when the time is right. Being a "Birth Parent" to a child I have never known or has never known me I would want to find out what I could as well as telling my side. There are 2 sides to every story. Let him have the chance to tell you his side. Good Luck with you desision... __________________

05-19-2004, 05:51 PM	#5
redrum ...So I dub thee Unforgiven. Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Aggieland & SATX Posts: 8,263	ok, lemme say my deal on this, and please read. i got this view from a ficticious story i learned about, it was an in depth story with lots of emotional things, and this was one of the things. in the story, both the guy's parents had died when he was young. his little brother said he had found a recording of them, so the older brother wanted to find the recording to see what they looked like. he was about 23 or so. his little brother died of unnatural causes, and that left the guy all alone. he really wanted to see the recording. but after not being able to find it where his little brother said it was (before he had died), he got to thinkin... 'i got this image of my parents in my head. strong, ya? when im in trouble i imagine them and what they would have done, and kinda talk to them in my head you know? but im afraid that seeing them would shatter that image i have of them, and it wouldnt be the same anymore.' i agree. you've gone this long without knowing. you for sure must have some sort of image of what your father is like. whether this image is a good one or a bad one, seeing him in real life would probably freak you out and be something you totally didnt expect. and if hes like some junky poor hill billy, or criminal or something, it would be extremely depressing i would think. on the other hand, i do understand why you would want to see him, just outta curiousity. but my vote definitely goes towards leaving it alone. even if you did see him, and perhaps meet him... it wouldnt be like seeing your dad after a long time, itd be meeting a complete stranger. too weird for me i guess. __________________

05-19-2004, 06:40 PM	#6
Hammered "The Hitman" Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Leavekawkbref! Posts: 3,422	well you have the power of the intra web in your hands....there are people on here that will find him for a small fee...as well tax records. drivers license, etc. what you can do is ...for just a pic.....back in those days people did not travel far fom home....check the highschool for HS year albums for where his last know location is... just some ideas...and red rum is right ...it may not be what you wanna see.... __________________ Racing in a honda is a lot like the Special Olympics Even if you win, you're still retarded

05-19-2004, 11:28 PM	#8
ScottH Registered User Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Austin Posts: 30	Well, I'd say do it. My mom just found her biological family, but it was a few years too late, as both her biological parents are dead. She found out she has two 100% biological sisters (!?), but both were too young to remember my mom being born. The resemblance is uncanny, there's no doubt it's them, but everyone is kinda scratching their head as to why...? Nobody, I mean nobody in her family knows why. Some of the relatives remember her mother going "away to visit uncle Joe in Cuba" for a few months around that time, but that's about it... I dunno, sounds like a different circumstance, and your mom might be trying to put it behind her for a reason (Maybe pride more than anything) so it's a tough call. My mom says she has no regrets, but I'll bet deep down inside she wishes she could have had that big question answered... Last edited by ScottH; 05-19-2004 at 11:31 PM.

05-19-2004, 04:12 PM	#2
GT4HeR Registered User Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: nowhere Posts: 4,433	Never been in that situation but I think if I were, I would want to meet my biological parent. You never know what the situation was back then. There are always two sides to every story and I am sure he had his reasons. Do whatever you feel is right. Good luck

05-19-2004, 04:52 PM	#4
CHips Elitist Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 9,592	welcome to the Jones family! and good luck on finding a picture, or your father if thats what you're looking for.

05-20-2004, 01:06 PM	#9
MrsLarry03GT Speed Limit!!!! What speed limit??? Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: At home doing the housewife thing. Posts: 966	I know the feeling. My situation was acctually pretty much like yours growing up. My mom never hide the fact that I had a different father from the man she was married to. As I grew older I wanted more and more to know about him. Unlike you though my mom wanted to tell me everything about him (maybe because I'm a girl) , most of it was bad but some of it was good. I came to realize according to other people that were around at that time that there were definately two sides to this story. Somehow all I wanted was just to know who my real father was, what ever happened between them was not as important to me. Anyway I had promised myself that when I was old enough I would look for him. Unfortunately when I was 13 my family moved to another country and I tought I had lost all hope of ever finding him now. As I got older I remember telling my grandmother that I wish I could find him. By then I was 20 and pregnant with my first child. I don't know if it was by luck or if my grandmother paid someone to look for him but she found him. I was in shock, specially when I found out he lived in the states. He called me on the phone and we spoke about 7 different times, then he finally flew over to Florida to see me. We shared dinner and got to talk for a few hours at home. It diffenately strange but I was glad because now I felt like there were no more pieces of my life missing. Every situation is a little different whatever you decide make sure it's what you want and feels right for you not what other people are telling you to do. Good Luck __________________ Rachel :kickcan: Last edited by MrsLarry03GT; 05-20-2004 at 01:13 PM.

05-20-2004, 01:17 PM	#10
redrum ...So I dub thee Unforgiven. Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Aggieland & SATX Posts: 8,263	well you definitely had a good experience there mrs larry however, not everyone in this world is as willing as that. im not trying to put down anyone or anything like that, im just sayin... what if you were to find your father, and he is just a complete asshole, or what if he went crazy, or if he became a raging alcoholic and druggie. id imagine that would be a pretty bad experience. of course, thats an extreme, but you get the point. its definitely a tough decision and you must be strong enough to know that if it does turn out to be a bad experience, then you have the heart to move on. you know? __________________

05-20-2004, 01:49 PM	#12
MustangShauna Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 846	I think this is a decision that you will have to make on your own after much soul searching. It is good to get other's people's perspective to help you with the decision. As for myself my parents divorced when I was 6 months old. I saw my biological father maybe a few times after that when I was young. When I was almost 18 he contacted me and wanted to make amends so to speak. Many times throughout my life I had wondered about him even though I heard some bad things and people would keep me away from him when I was young. I am personally glad that I got to meet him and see the person he is. He is not a person that I want in my life but atleast as an adult I was able to make that decision. And I do not have that curiousity anymore. I do have to say it is best try to prepare yourself emotionally.

05-20-2004, 04:05 PM	#14
grey_area Papa J. Squeeze Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Friendswood,TX Posts: 3,056	[quote=redrum] or what if he went crazy, or if he became a raging alcoholic and druggie. id imagine that would be a pretty bad experience. i would think you would want to know any hereditary problems so you could take steps to prevent them your self. also just to see what you might look like when you are older or if you have any brothers or sisters. __________________ LETS GET THIS PARTY STARTED Some people are like Slinkies ... Not really good for anything, But they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs .

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