[Razor81]

Alright I know I haven't been on lately but I have so much bs on my chest right now I don't know what to do. I need some opinions. Ive been with my gf for a little over a year now. We have a 2 week old son, my first her second. I bought a house, redid the house, lent her 3k to buy a car, always do everything for her and she is just so dam inconsiderate. Her family is trash and yet she defends them and not me. Just and idea her mom took out 3 credit cards under my gf's name, maxed them out and isnt paying for them nor she won't. Im on the edge right now because I want to leave her and throw her outta my house but I don't want to lose my son. Her parents live in a 2 bed 1 bath shack and if my gf and son go to live with them it will be a total of 6 people living in a 2 bed 1 bath shack. I don't want to only have partial custody or see him every other weekend if we split. I want him in my life. Im not in love with her but I do love her but she just refuses to see where im coming from. I always have to bitch at her to get anything done and than she gets mad but than when I don't say anything nothing gets done. Anybody been here?? Any opinions?? I would love to work things out but she's lied to me, been dishonest, refuses to see what I say and is a weak person. She'd rather run and hide than stick it out and talk about the problem and face it. Man im so lost. Im 27 years old and never thought id be in this position. Any opinions, thought, ideas??

[Ryan_65Stallion]

Damn, sorry to hear that. Do what you gotta do man. If her family is bad as that and they have poor living conditions, you can always call CPS so she can't take your son over there.

[Razor81]

Man it just sux that he has to go through all this crap. I can deal with the pain but my son feeling it hurts more than anything. Everything I do is for him. Ive stayed here this long for him, maybe im just hurting him more than helping him. I feel like a weak ass person posting this crap up but man this crap is tearin me up inside.

[Ryan_65Stallion]

Originally Posted by Razor81

Man it just sux that he has to go through all this crap. I can deal with the pain but my son feeling it hurts more than anything. Everything I do is for him. Ive stayed here this long for him, maybe im just hurting him more than helping him. I feel like a weak ass person posting this crap up but man this crap is tearin me up inside.

I know your feeling, I have a 5 month old son. Things won't working out with the mom so she split.
Your there for him, so don't say your just hurting him cause thats not true, he needs a father figure. But here's the deal, would you be willing to have to take full custody of him if it came to that?
Believe me, your not weak for posting this. I've done it before. I know your feeling. But maybe you should let her see what its really like out on her own with no one who really cares about her. She might realize than how good she had it.
Don't beat yourself up man.

[Stumpy]

Originally Posted by Razor81

Her parents live in a 2 bed 1 bath shack and if my gf and son go to live with them it will be a total of 6 people living in a 2 bed 1 bath shack.

first of all, the state of Texas does not allow that many people in a house when there is a child under a certain age. the child must have his/her own room or room with another child of the same sex. the child is not allowed to share a room with an adult primarily. if you get CPS involved and she cannot prove that your son has his own primary room, then CPS will not allow him to be a permanent resident of that house. if you can also prove that she is unfit and that the living conditions that she can provide are subpar, then you have a better case of sole or primary custody. if you can prove that the persons that the child would be living with, i.e; her parents, are unfit to raise or participate in raising a child, you have a good case. te best thing you can do is keep your nose clean, keep up a good standing in your area, keep a good home, and prove financial and emotional stability to your child and yourself. when it comes to custody of a child, all the state looks at is who can provide a better, safer, and more stable environment for the child. it doesn't care which parent gets hurt. and IMO, that's all that matters. when it comes to a child, be prepared to sacrafice everything. your life is no longer your's. and that's the way it should be. best of luck to you. a child is an awesome responsibility and the best thing you can ever do in your life. but that's just my opinion. and when you get that "biography" about Dad from your 4th grader, put it on your fridge and read it everyday to remind yourself how good of a job you are doing. i know i do. everyday.

Again, Good Luck.

[lilbluehatch]

posting on here really isint a sign or weekness. asking for opinions and help is a sign of trust. also this is what friends are for also even thow we've never met in person nor do i know your real name if ur a mustang fan as much as i am your a friend of mine. so here i go. i grew up in a split household were i would only see my pops on holidays and theres nothin worse than being in the third grade and when its bring your parents to school day only one shows up. I say try your best to work it out im not saying what your doing is not enough just remember you can always find another female companion but your son will never have another mother or father.

[Stumpy]

Originally Posted by Ryan_65Stallion

I know your feeling, I have a 5 month old son. Things won't working out with the mom so she split.
Your there for him, so don't say your just hurting him cause thats not true, he needs a father figure. But here's the deal, would you be willing to have to take full custody of him if it came to that?
Believe me, your not weak for posting this. I've done it before. I know your feeling. But maybe you should let her see what its really like out on her own with no one who really cares about her. She might realize than how good she had it.
Don't beat yourself up man.

damn, for once, Ryan and I agree completely. well said young Jedi.

[Razor81]

Originally Posted by Ryan_65Stallion

I know your feeling, I have a 5 month old son. Things won't working out with the mom so she split.
Your there for him, so don't say your just hurting him cause thats not true, he needs a father figure. But here's the deal, would you be willing to have to take full custody of him if it came to that?
Believe me, your not weak for posting this. I've done it before. I know your feeling. But maybe you should let her see what its really like out on her own with no one who really cares about her. She might realize than how good she had it.
Don't beat yourself up man.

Once she's gone thats it, I don't give second chances. Thats not my fault that I should have to dump her ass and her see what the real world is like in order for her to realize what she has. She owes me 5k buks and keeps bsin about it. That the she has it in her account but that the gov froze her account cause she owes back taxes but than she called and they said she doesnt but they have to investigate. It's all a lie and bs to me. Im beating myself up for trusting and believing her lying ass.

[Razor81]

Originally Posted by Stumpy

first of all, the state of Texas does not allow that many people in a house when there is a child under a certain age. the child must have his/her own room or room with another child of the same sex. the child is not allowed to share a room with an adult primarily. if you get CPS involved and she cannot prove that your son has his own primary room, then CPS will not allow him to be a permanent resident of that house. if you can also prove that she is unfit and that the living conditions that she can provide are subpar, then you have a better case of sole or primary custody. if you can prove that the persons that the child would be living with, i.e; her parents, are unfit to raise or participate in raising a child, you have a good case. te best thing you can do is keep your nose clean, keep up a good standing in your area, keep a good home, and prove financial and emotional stability to your child and yourself. when it comes to custody of a child, all the state looks at is who can provide a better, safer, and more stable environment for the child. it doesn't care which parent gets hurt. and IMO, that's all that matters. when it comes to a child, be prepared to sacrafice everything. your life is no longer your's. and that's the way it should be. best of luck to you. a child is an awesome responsibility and the best thing you can ever do in your life. but that's just my opinion. and when you get that "biography" about Dad from your 4th grader, put it on your fridge and read it everyday to remind yourself how good of a job you are doing. i know i do. everyday.

Again, Good Luck.

Thanks bro, I hear ya. He is so amazing and I live my life for him now, it's not about me or her or anything, it's all about him.

[Razor81]

Originally Posted by lilbluehatch

posting on here really isint a sign or weekness. asking for opinions and help is a sign of trust. also this is what friends are for also even thow we've never met in person nor do i know your real name if ur a mustang fan as much as i am your a friend of mine. so here i go. i grew up in a split household were i would only see my pops on holidays and theres nothin worse than being in the third grade and when its bring your parents to school day only one shows up. I say try your best to work it out im not saying what your doing is not enough just remember you can always find another female companion but your son will never have another mother or father.

Again thats why im trying my ass off to do everything I can to make things work but it's taking a beating on me. Im willing to stick through it and make it work but dammit she needs to put her's in to and she doesn't. I swear to God, I know im not perfect and im willing to change but it's got to be a 50/50 road. I won't put up with her bs and just let her do what she wants. My son is the greatest thing that has happened to me. I dnt regret him. I really appreciate everyones help here.

Alvin

[TheBocSez]

Originally Posted by Stumpy

first of all, the state of Texas does not allow that many people in a house when there is a child under a certain age. the child must have his/her own room or room with another child of the same sex. the child is not allowed to share a room with an adult primarily. if you get CPS involved and she cannot prove that your son has his own primary room, then CPS will not allow him to be a permanent resident of that house. if you can also prove that she is unfit and that the living conditions that she can provide are subpar, then you have a better case of sole or primary custody. if you can prove that the persons that the child would be living with, i.e; her parents, are unfit to raise or participate in raising a child, you have a good case. te best thing you can do is keep your nose clean, keep up a good standing in your area, keep a good home, and prove financial and emotional stability to your child and yourself. when it comes to custody of a child, all the state looks at is who can provide a better, safer, and more stable environment for the child. it doesn't care which parent gets hurt. and IMO, that's all that matters. when it comes to a child, be prepared to sacrafice everything. your life is no longer your's. and that's the way it should be. best of luck to you. a child is an awesome responsibility and the best thing you can ever do in your life. but that's just my opinion. and when you get that "biography" about Dad from your 4th grader, put it on your fridge and read it everyday to remind yourself how good of a job you are doing. i know i do. everyday.

Again, Good Luck.

Are you sure about that?? I have never seen such a law. Maybe its a CPS guideline but not a law that I am aware of. I mean that would essentially limit a married couple living in a 1 bedroom apartment from having a child.

But back on topic, you gotta do what you gotta do. Either way its not going to be pretty. Constant misery as it stand right now, or several years of child support and medical support with the possibility of raising the amounts every three years. I know, I am paying about 800.00 a month in child support and medical benefits for my 2 children.

Personally, I would cut ties now and seek custody of you child. Its going to get pricey either way but your sanity is probably worth it.

Good luck.

[Ryan_65Stallion]

Originally Posted by Stumpy

first of all, the state of Texas does not allow that many people in a house when there is a child under a certain age. the child must have his/her own room or room with another child of the same sex. the child is not allowed to share a room with an adult primarily. if you get CPS involved and she cannot prove that your son has his own primary room, then CPS will not allow him to be a permanent resident of that house. if you can also prove that she is unfit and that the living conditions that she can provide are subpar, then you have a better case of sole or primary custody. if you can prove that the persons that the child would be living with, i.e; her parents, are unfit to raise or participate in raising a child, you have a good case. te best thing you can do is keep your nose clean, keep up a good standing in your area, keep a good home, and prove financial and emotional stability to your child and yourself. when it comes to custody of a child, all the state looks at is who can provide a better, safer, and more stable environment for the child. it doesn't care which parent gets hurt. and IMO, that's all that matters. when it comes to a child, be prepared to sacrafice everything. your life is no longer your's. and that's the way it should be. best of luck to you. a child is an awesome responsibility and the best thing you can ever do in your life. but that's just my opinion. and when you get that "biography" about Dad from your 4th grader, put it on your fridge and read it everyday to remind yourself how good of a job you are doing. i know i do. everyday.

Again, Good Luck.

Well said. Exactly what I was getting at also. Unfit living conditions for sure.

Originally Posted by Stumpy

damn, for once, Ryan and I agree completely. well said young Jedi.

I learn

Originally Posted by Razor81

Once she's gone thats it, I don't give second chances. Thats not my fault that I should have to dump her ass and her see what the real world is like in order for her to realize what she has. She owes me 5k buks and keeps bsin about it. That the she has it in her account but that the gov froze her account cause she owes back taxes but than she called and they said she doesnt but they have to investigate. It's all a lie and bs to me. Im beating myself up for trusting and believing her lying ass.

Ouch. Well, it happens to the best of us. We think we know someone and trust them, but yet its thrown back in your face.
Do what you gotta do for your son and yourself. I know I wouldn't want my son in those living conditions with an unstable mother.

[Stumpy]

Originally Posted by TheBocSez

Are you sure about that?? I have never seen such a law. Maybe its a CPS guideline but not a law that I am aware of. I mean that would essentially limit a married couple living in a 1 bedroom apartment from having a child.

But back on topic, you gotta do what you gotta do. Either way its not going to be pretty. Constant misery as it stand right now, or several years of child support and medical support with the possibility of raising the amounts every three years. I know, I am paying about 800.00 a month in child support and medical benefits for my 2 children.

Personally, I would cut ties now and seek custody of you child. Its going to get pricey either way but your sanity is probably worth it.

Good luck.

that's what the lawyers told my brother when him and his first wife were getting divorced. A CPS representative visited both of there places and reported back to the courts for purposes of custody. but that was 13 yrs ago. and my niece was 1. things may have changed for the worse.

[TheBocSez]

Originally Posted by Stumpy

that's what the lawyers told my brother when him and his first wife were getting divorced. A CPS representative visited both of there places and reported back to the courts for purposes of custody. but that was 13 yrs ago. and my niece was 1. things may have changed for the worse.

It very well maybe a law, I was just curious, I dont recall having ever read anything like that. I agree that a lot of living conditions for children do need review, I have several houses in my city where its not unusal to see 6-8 kids living in a 2-3 bedroom house.

[SUfanINsa]

Originally Posted by TheBocSez

Personally, I would cut ties now and seek custody of you child. Its going to get pricey either way but your sanity is probably worth it.

Good luck.

I would have to agree with Paul, and just thank god that your son is not old enough to understand the BS. If the conditions are that bad fight for custody, all you have to really prove is that she is unfit(does not have a job or cannot provide a safe enviornment for him to live in). But beware it will get expensive, but in the end the piece of mind and knowing that your son is ok will be well worth it.

Good Luck

steven

[Razor81]

Thanks to everyone that posted, I really appreciated the advice and help. Im gonna do whats best for him as everyone said. Thank you guys again.

Alvin

[Mustang_68_Coup]

Originally Posted by Razor81

... Im beating myself up for trusting and believing her lying ass.

We've all done it ... don't be so hard on yourself. The trick is to learn from it. Be wiser in the future.

A thought:
Go with your concerns to the CPS office BEFORE you kick her out, though.
Tell them what has transpired, and that you wish to be rid of the Money-Sponge, but worry for your son's well-being. See what they can do to help you BEFORE you let her know what's on your mind.

Anyone have any input on this theory?

[raymond8698]

Originally Posted by Razor81

Thanks to everyone that posted, I really appreciated the advice and help. Im gonna do whats best for him as everyone said. Thank you guys again.

Alvin

everyone has problems and coming to this website to vent your problems is a not a sign of weakness but strength in putting yourself out there, I have done it and I feel the same way with my gf, there is some things she has done to me in the past that I cant get over and she does not understand but we have no children and I can just walk away but still feel hurt, God Bless and hope yall work it out, and if she cant compromise and do what you gotta do.

[03 R Code]

Originally Posted by Mustang_68_Coup

We've all done it ... don't be so hard on yourself. The trick is to learn from it. Be wiser in the future.

A thought:
Go with your concerns to the CPS office BEFORE you kick her out, though.
Tell them what has transpired, and that you wish to be rid of the Money-Sponge, but worry for your son's well-being. See what they can do to help you BEFORE you let her know what's on your mind.

Anyone have any input on this theory?

That's what I was thinking. If I were in your situation I would talk with a lawyer and a CPS officer before taking any action against her, like kicking her out or anything like that. They will be able to show you the right steps so that your son will never spend any large amount of time away from you during the litigation to come...

[thesource]

Sorry to hear about all that Alvin . Thats a tough road to go down and either way the kid still usually ends up losing but what can you do ? Hope everything works out for ya .......